news flash: 180 military base closings!

i guess this pic isn't a fake after all.

news flash: saddam takes over london and france in...

do i really need a caption for this pic?

million dollar idea #3: highway to hell

sue the department of transportation $1,000,000 for allowing roadside crosses on the interstate on the grounds that its a violation of separation of church and state. cha-ching.

million dollar idea #2: year of the cock

that's right, kung fu porno films! with names like, won hung lo, chu sam wang, and peter dragon the kung fu genre is begging for it.


"take that you bitch!"

i just found culinary heaven

piece of chicken, george foreman grill and a meat thermometer.


"you got that right SkunkMan!"

million dollar idea #1: death becomes a salesman

this is my first entry of a series of my so-called million dollar ideas. in other words, if you pursue any of my money making ideas you'll be sure to make a million dollars.

here we go. in the early 90's while attending a local junior college, i would travel through a narrow congested road. during this commute i noticed a lot of elderly people standing by their mailboxes waiting for the traffic to die down so they can scurry on to the road and check their mail. one day i was thinking if those poor souls would just get mailboxes with a back door then they wouldn't have to risk their lives to check their mail.

hello millions of bucks. of course any person can go down to their local hardware store and purchase a roadside mailbox with two doors or make a back door for their existing box. but if an infomercial is developed that suggests to the viewer if they don't buy this two doored mailbox they will die, well you'll be rich in no time.

INT:

frail old woman speaking with her grandson on the phone.

grandson:

“Grandma I mailed you a birthday card. Did you get it?”

grandmother:

“I don't know Billy. I haven't checked the mail.”

grandson:

“Please Grandma check the mail now.”

grandmother:

“I have to wait until the traffic isn't so busy.”

grandson:

“Check the mail now you old bag or I will hate you forever!”

EXT:

old woman with walker creeps to her mailbox by a busy street. she waits to see a break in the traffic then makes her move. out from nowhere a tractor trailer comes barreling down the road. horn blows. tires squeal. a thud. letters, cards, and walker go flying through the air.

FADE OUT

yeah baby! i see the green already!

anne rice is only telling half the story

in movies and books vampires are portrayed as sexy, mesmerizing people with really hip jobs such as counts, if that is really a job, or rock stars, if that is really a job. but the truth of the matter is there are millions of us vampires who doesnt fall in that category. we are average looking individuals with entry level jobs on the graveyard shift. who do you think can up the term “graveyard shift”? i did about 306 years ago. or was it 307 years? the only employment i could get was digging graves at midnight back then.

and why can we only working entry level jobs? think about. how can we stay with a company for 20 years and advance when we dont age. the longest i can stay is around 4 years. and to top that i cant put my past experience on my resumé!

“humm, mr. skunkman, ah, you state on your resumé that you mixed paint for michelangelo back in 1504.”

"yes sir, but may i point out that's 1504 AD."

you see! you see! being a vampire is not that great! i can go on and on with other stories like: why we are limited to shop at walmart; pay full price for movie tickets; and why we like rap music, morrissey, and lesbians, but i'll save that for another time...the sun is coming up.

lets get started.

this is my first entry of my new blog. for days i've been reading other blogs trying to get some ideas of a theme i could use. but all i found was bad poetry, personal ads, pictures of pet, and more bad poetry. soon, as i always do, i was wandering through the newsgroups looking at naked pictures of famous people when i thought hit me. angelina jolie sure does a lot of nude scenes. then i gave up looking for a theme for this blog.
today, while repairing drywall in my condo, i've decided my blog will have quotes from my screenplay that i'll never write; money making ideas that i never pursue; and my life as a middle class vampire. yeah! so sit back, relax and enjoy my cathartic ramblings and pictures of my pets. btw, the drywall looks great.